So, it’s that time of the year again. No, not the turning of the seasons into warmer weather and budding blossoms, which is delightful.
No, Monday 6 September is RUOK day.
If you’ve been following me for any length of time, you’ll know that RUOK day is a bit of a bugbear of mine. RUOK day is designed to break the stigma of mental health conversations and let people know they have support. Which is great in theory, but in practice is at best unhelpful and at worst actively harmful.
Asking someone if they’re okay is only useful when society is structured to give them the treatment and support they need if they say they are not. And the bald truth is: ours is not.
Plus the fact, in 2021, who really is okay? Almost everyone is struggling, to some extent, and asking someone whether they’re okay kind of feels like walking up to a drowning man and asking whether he needs a hand.
So, rather than ask someone whether they’re okay on Monday the 6th, here are six other things you could do to support and advocate for the people in your life affected by mental illness:
Reach out to someone you know struggles with mental health and offer practical support for something they have trouble with. Can you arrange a meal for them? Can you clean their bathroom? Can you order them some groceries? Can you call and book appointments for them? Not sure what they may need help with? Try asking this: ‘Hey, I know your mental health sometimes makes life stuff hard for you. I really want to do something that will help you out. Is there something that would be really helpful to you right now that I can do?’
Ask your employer what their policies and procedures are for helping someone who is struggling with a mental health issue. Many employers aren’t proactive about this and only start thinking about it when someone is already experiencing an acute event. Starting the conversation in your workplace might mean that someone in need gets a response that is considered and helpful, rather than reactionary.
Write to your local MP advocating for more funding for training, research, treatment and support for mental health issues. Pick one that is meaningful to you, or google something in your local area that could use the additional support.
Start your own mental health self-care practice. One in three people will experience mental ill-health in their life. Don’t wait for it to happen to you to create good practices. The more you can do now, the better off you will be in the event you become one of the one-in-three in the future. And hey, if you don’t, there are still massive benefits to having a mindfulness practice, meditation, going to therapy or keeping an eye on your work/life balance. The metaphor of fitting your own oxygen mask first also comes to mind - the more resilient you are, the better able you are to help.
Bust stigma in your community. Look at the way people are responding to mental health stuff in your sphere of influence. What kind of language are people using? What kind of language are you using? How do people talk about mental health in your workplace, in your online spaces, in your local sporting club. Speaking up to reframe the issue of mental health in these spaces creates real change, and is a powerful indicator to the people in your life struggling with mental health that you’re a person they can reach out to.
Contribute to a mental health charity like Lifeline, the Black Dog Institute or Liptember. In the absence of a robust government response to the mental health crisis facing our community, front line services and fundraising organisations like these are how the most vulnerable among us access crisis support, and how we change things for the better.
Finally, I’m going to let you in on a little secret.
You don’t have to wait for the 6th of September to ask someone whether they’re okay. If your spidey senses start tingling and something doesn’t feel right with someone you love, just ask the question. The best way to break the stigma of mental health is not to wait for the right time to have these conversation - it’s to have the conversation in the moment its needed.